he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
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