I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
Randomize
