omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
Randomize
