Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
Randomize
