Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Randomize
