So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Randomize
