you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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