i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
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