My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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