"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Randomize
