it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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