I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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