Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
He did a backflip because drugs
Randomize
