I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
