her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
Randomize
