Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
Randomize
