I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
