I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
