if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
Randomize
