I just made out with a guy for $7.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
