If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
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