i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize
