i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
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