i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Randomize
