he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Randomize
