Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
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