wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
Randomize
