U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Randomize
