why didn't you poke me back
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
Randomize
