Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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