fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Randomize
