Swine flu is the new snow day.
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Randomize
