I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
Hippo gnu deer
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
Just pee around me
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
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