halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
