Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
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