come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Randomize
