I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
