My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
Randomize
