barbara walters just said penis...
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Randomize
