That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
