I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
