just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
So vagazzling was a success
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
