HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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