she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
Randomize
