One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
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