I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
Randomize
