listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
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