I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
