dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
BRING THE BAGELS
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
Randomize
