Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
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